I sent Jian a package two weeks ago. Hopefully, he'll get it soon because it's very meaningful and he's been waiting for it for about 11 months now...I can't believe it's been a little longer than that since this all began.I'm getting off the subject here. Wait...did I even have one to begin with? I doubt it.
I'm trying to hold onto where I was a year and a half ago.
A year and a half ago, I wasn't eleven months away from going to college. I didn't have to make the choice between two colleges of great distance from each other. I wasn't single. I wasn't debating my future with someone else.
Things have changed greatly. The unexpected things I only dreamt about having in my life are now inside my world and I'm scared to death that when I leave home next August, I'll be losing something I'll never be able to get back.
I won't have the option of running over to my ex's house to apologize profusely after a cold year long silence and spend a good half hour making out on his couch. Thanksgiving dinner won't be just the four of us as my brother's marrying in June just a week before I graduate.
I'm talking to my ex right now. He's in Virginia with his parents for the holiday. I hate the fact that when you're single and you can't foresee a definite relationship with someone else on the horizon, you think about your last like it was something wonderful.
I don't even know if what I had was something wonderful. I do know that the comfortable feeling of knowing I can show up on someone's doorstep with a cold and fever and still be offered a warm bed to sleep in. I'm so looking forward to the next time I'm offered that by someone who truly cares.
In the meantime, they're saying that Moxy Früvous is having one concert in the middle of February after what will be a six month hiatus. I'm glad I won't be able to afford it. We've got a vicious bunch of fans who are constantly fighting for the title of biggest admirer.
For all these reasons, am I justified in expressing my wish that Früvous never tour again? How the hell did Mike stand being away from the wife and daughter he's only been married to for less than five years? How many times can Murray or Dave get hit on by people who just want their bodies? How many nights in a row can Jian deal with the same group of fishgirls and go to bed well after 3am? How fucking sexy an aspect is that of their careers? Would you want that job?
Plus, how would any of them feel if they ever knew of the near social classification someone has to go through once they proclaim their admiration of the band? This may not happen to everyone, I realize that, but one of the first questions asked of a newborn Frühead is: How many shows have you been to?
I wish the men well. I wish them the chance to make up for all the lost sleep. And no offense is aimed at anyone when I say this, but I wish that each and every one of those men who have been on the tour over the past seven years finally get to relax for more than a second before they're pushed out the door and into a van to drive 12+ hours and satiate the desires of fans.
I wish them less of an attitude than the one I'm currently spewing forth :)
I'm tired. I'm going to sleep. I hope you enjoyed reading this ;) Be well...
