I'm getting into 80's music again. We're talking Phil Collins, Journey, other stuff. I don't know what it is about myself lately. I'm getting eccentric with the music.I was watching part of Schindler's List on PBS just an hour ago and couldn't concentrate on it. I was in the midst of writing another four pages to make up for the four I got rid of today because my writing was so horrible back when I wrote it two months ago that I couldn't bear to look at it and type it out onto the screen. It looked wrong and so it's gone. I would normally opt for ER, which is currently on ABC and runs 2 episodes consecutively each Saturday night at 11:35pm. But they're in the Goran Visnijc (Dr. Luka Kovac) stage of the show and well, to be quite honest, he reminds me of Tony. Sure Kovac's hair is greying whereas Tony's is deep black. Tony's eyes are a deep brown and the actor's eyes are not. They're a cool blue or a hazel or something, I don't remember, it's late (for me).
Depression wise, I'm doing fine. I'm much more positive and happier than I was two months ago. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm better off now, I'm looking forward to so many good things coming my way. I'm actually optimistic for a change :) I feel happier about myself. But, when it comes to Tony and our makeout session a week and a half ago, I feel pathetic because I keep wanting more and I don't want to stop acting the way I am towards him. It's comfortable :) I can't get the kiss off my mind and I don't even know why I'm trying to. A kiss is never just a kiss. I feel as though that's exactly where Tony and I are headed again. It's going to be a nice mix of torture and pleasure if I'm right. Or it could just be pleasure. That would be nice :)
I maybe it's the accent that's getting to me, but I just have something telling me to hold on just a little while longer. I can't shake the feeling that something is going to give very soon and I'll finally reap the rewards of being patient. I can't tell if it's the wistfulness that's refusing to let go or if it's something real. We'll see. I'm ready for it.
