Well now, I'd like to acknowledge my recent bouts of depression and drama by saying that I'm halfway out of it.Stupid seasonal shit. It's just so gloomy outside lately. I'm craving the sun. It sets me off.
So, two things: Dave and Tony.
I miss Dave. I've been thinking about stuff that we did and said to and with each other. It's that usual thing, you know? It's been a while since you've been with someone you really were good with and so you're thinking about all the times you had with the last person it was that way with.
I had to go out and buy some last minute grad stuff with mom, so we went to Ames this afternoon in search of pantyhose (for her) and a strapless bra (for me). We stopped at McDonald's for lunch and then proceeded to eat in front of the neighboring Ames parking lot listening to George Michael's rendition of "I can't make you love me," while I was thinking of Adrien and everything good that comes with him.
There's a tap on my window. It's Tony. Sweet, huh? I get out and hug him and we exchange the courtesy and politeness that comes with friendship. We walked around Ames together and talked, joked, sat there in silence on a porch swing in the patio section, going back and forth. I got incredibly sad while he was talking about something I don't remember now. Could've been about school, it doesn't matter. I just got immensely down. He bid me g'bye for the afternoon and then hugged me.
He walked out the automatic doors and it soon became clear; I cannot have a friendship with this kid. It is emotionally impossible for me to do that right now. It hurts too much.
My point of all this, I suppose, is: how do I tell him that? And do I even bother? Someone email me from the link at the top of the screen and gimme some advice on how to just make a clean break without him getting all pissy and not want to talk to me when I AM ready to be a friend to him. Pleeeeeeeeeeese?
Graduation is tomorrow, or today as it were, since it's 12:20am when I write this. I'm out. ;)
