Well. I'm home alone. My parents left town this morning for Boston. I've decided to stay behind. I am not strong enough to go to Massachusetts yet. At least I have therapy to work through it.Last night, my conversation with Tony went as follows:
Me~ Come over tomorrow night and watch a movie with me. I promise I'll withhold the brownies.
Tony~ Well, There's 2 things, actually 3. The first one: I had to go see scary movie. Second, I'm grounded. Third, and you probably will yell or something, but I'm going back out with Cindy.
Me~ How'd that happen?
Tony~ We just talked about what happened.
Me~ I will yell considering your ability to get walked on by her. Is it official? Is she telling her parents now or is it the same as before?
Tony~ Same as before.
Me~ I know you like her and I'm sorry that I'm saying this and everything, but why do I feel like you're just telling me this as a joke?
Tony~ Don't know. You tell me.
Me~ Well, in light of the conversation you and I had at Sara's in which you said you were sick of everything she's done, the going back and forth and stuff.
Tony~ Well, she told me something that night and we worked it out.
Me~ Now it's going to be like it was before, you withdrawing from your friendship with me. Me feeling awkward around you. Is that how it's going to be between us? You acting more reserved around me because she's jealous?
Tony~ I don't know.
Me~ Cause I told you how hard that was and I won't be able to do that this time if it's going to be the same way. Asking you how you and Cindy are. Being nice to you when you're acting cold to me. And you shouldn't be dating someone who would restrict who you hang out with or make you feel as though you should just to keep them happy. *(thank you Grandma for letting me inherit your guilt tripping complex)* Listen, I care deeply about you. I know you don't and never did feel the same way. I get that. I got the message loud and clear.
Tony~ Come on. Don't be unfair.
Me~ The fact that you won't hang out with me because you're dating her again isn't fair. You haven't exactly been too fair to me over the last few months. And I'm tired of it. I've been tired of it. I thought I could deal with that on my own without saying anything to you but I can't do that anymore. You're a great guy *(motherfucker)*. And again, I care about you very much and I don't *want* to cut you out of my life because you've been good to me. But I want to have an honest picture of our friendship and I didn't have that when you were dating her before so I'm sorry if I don't think I'll have one now. I have to go. Good night.
----------------------------------------------------
Then I blocked him and kicked him off my buddy list.
Afterwards, I mixed Grenadine with the Merlot and a cup of club soda and basically had a wine cooler in my hands. I vented to my father while he turned on the computer.
I feel good about this. I stood up for myself. What, did he honestly expect me to be HAPPY for him?
Key point, people; when you start off a conversation with someone by saying "You'll probably yell at me for this," you can't be shocked or suddenly get all pussy like and say "Oh, you're not playing fair."
He's going to read this one day and I hope that then he understands that his actions do effect people other than himself.
Laura and Adrien told me on separate accounts that I am blunt. Adrien said that it was my forte.
Until last night, I didn't agree. But now I do. Here's a question: Do I tell Cindy somehow that we hooked up while they were dating or do I keep it to myself? I've got nothing to lose no matter which way I go.
