In reply to what I wrote this morning.I'm trying not to sound as though I'm beating myself up here. I have no reason to. Please see that I'm just being partially sarcastic because I know I've never done anything to Tony or any other guy that warranted a *life long* silent treatment. If I've pissed anyone off royally, I knew that they would get over it and many have. Tony will.
I have accepted that I cannot do anything about this. Tony wonders why I wrote all these "horrible" things about him and I can't explain them. I don't see what was horrible. I can't tell him the reasons. The only thing I can find to say is that I felt something and wanted to express those emotions in a place where I felt comfortable. I feel comfortable here. So, what am I supposed to do? Censor myself in the off chance that someone I know might tap onto this page and see something unflattering was written about them? No. It goes against my code of ethics as a writer. And everyone deserves a place to go and set their thoughts free without the fear of beign criticized for them.
Now, I'm sorry that Tony is upset because of the things he's seen in here. I am. I'd be upset, too. But I'm not going to go back and erase the things on these pages just because they're not nice. This is my diary. I have to be free to write whatever I want and that's the attitude with which I've always written in here. I just can't apologize for expressing myself and the emotions that do not follow the description of being kind. I'm only human.
No one should do that. No one should have to apologize for what they feel.
I'm not happy with the way things have worked out with Tony reading this site at all. I didn't expect him to be happy with what he's seen or to not feel a little scared by my affections, but I do expect him to just accept that I cannot take them back now. I have to let him settle. I will back off.
There are some things I'm incapable of apologizing for.
