A nicer entry was written before. This one is just to vent about some things that are getting on my nerves lately.This is why I fucking hate letting people borrow my shit.
I let my mom use my cell phone today while she was shopping. The damn phone rubs up against something in her purse and the next thing you know she's calling me cause HOME is speed dial #2.
I can't hang up because she hasn't hung up yet. I can't scream loud enough for her to fucking know that she's wasting battery power and I can't stand being so completely OCD.
It makes my head hurt. I'm calming down now. Honest mistake. I'll probably do it too. Sometimes, I can be too damn hard on my mom/dad/both of them. I have to stop that.
I have to be on campus for the first time on September 3rd. I have to start packing this week. Hear that? START!
That would imply that I haven't even begun yet. I have a list of all the crap that has to go in boxes for the move.
I don't want to start. I don't want to do this.
Have I ever told you that I haven't really felt as though my college of choice is the right place for me? I think of it as a place where rich kids from Long Island go to spend money on a tuition and pay a maid to come and do their laundry for them because they're A) too fucking stupid to do it themselves and have never learned, B) rich enough to have paid a maid to do it for them everytime over the last 18 years, and or C) think that doing their own laundry is beneath them.
Paying someone. Paying someone to take your shitty and dirty clothes to a separate laundromat when you could just walk a few extra steps, press the button for the lowest floo, get off and pay somewhere around a fucking dollar to do it yourself. At least go home with your laundry bag and give it to your mom. That's what she's there for. She'll be so happy you're home (in most cases) that she'll do it for you.
I just...
It makes me so damn...
Block your ears.
How fucking lazy are you?!?!?!
Okay, it's safe. You can come back out now.
I don't think I've ever really told anyone that I doubt I'm going to the right place. I don't see myself going to college there and I honestly never have. I'm sure that you'll tell me that everyone has these doubts. I mean who wouldn't? Your parents or YOU are paying a hell of a lot of money for you to go to this school so there's a lot of pressure placed upon you to find the right place. I usually can get a good mental picture of how *realistically possible* something's going to be. If I can honestly see myself being somewhere/doing something/with someone, it usually happens.
I don't get this impression when I think about the school. I don't. I hate that. I think that it will change. But this probably explains why I'm not in any rush to start packing. I only have three days in the coming week that are free enough to pack up everything.
I'll be at a theme park with my mom on Monday. I'll be at the mall buying last minute college shit with my mom on Wednesday. Friday morning will lead me to Tony's soccer scrimmage at about 9am. I'll be hanging out with Tony for a part of Saturday and that will be the last time I'll see him before I leave for college two days later. Sunday gives me a therapy appointment and then I have to be up in Albany at some point between 8 and 12 on Monday.
I do not want to do this. I am afraid that I'm not ready. I want to be ready. I just have to get there.
I need boxes. Anyone have any to spare?
It's time to get on with this.
