As a pre-cursor/prologue, I invite you to re-read Kate's guest entry...unless you're Kate herself OR you've read it and remember it all by heart because of how well written it was.Anyway, whether you're done reading it now or you just wanna skip ahead, I should warn you, if you've ever been turned off by the content of some of my more blatant/explicit/candid entries, you may want to turn away.
Elsewise, in the eternal words of Mocksie, as seen on her March 30th entry, "I did not ask you to read it, merely, I am letting you. And I ask that you fucking respect that." She also seems to be dealing with some harassive/anonymous guestbook signers. It's catching on. So if you get a sense of TMI, go somewhere else and wait for me to update again.
Elsewise, without further ado:
I went into this weekend somehow knowing that certain things would happen. My instincts told me during the week, during the drive up to Albany, during the hour I waited for Dave to show up at the hotel. Somehow, I knew that Dave and I would get together without a hitch. I knew that we'd have fun with each other. I also knew that we were going to have sex for the first time and that it would be the first time ever for me. However, I did NOT know that I would be right about these things.
Yesterday, while waiting for Dave to arrive, I thought about some of what Kate wrote. "I think my point is...trust your instincts...." she said.
Dave showed up just after sundown and it was then that I realized how much I'd missed being around him since we were last together two weeks ago. He leaned up to kiss me from his car and I ended up planting one on his nose. Dave gets out, comes into the hotel and falls onto the bed. I pounce on him so he can reap the rewards of foot massages, scalp massages, chest massages, etc...
"Where have you been for the last two weeks?" he asked me as I lay over him, massaging his temples."In your imagination," I replied."Well, I'm glad you're here now."
I moved southward to the edge of the bed and began playing with his feet, which have become a growing obsession for me due to the troubles with my own. I hit a few nerves as I trace the veins and bones. They twitch. I laugh. Dave asks me for a vital article of my clothing and I oblige. After washing my hands from the foot massage, I fall into bed with him and make him jump because my fingers are cold as they trace their way across his back. We are almost bare and we are warm.
Dave wraps himself around me. Kissing my ear and messing up my hair, he opens his mouth to speak. He questioned my pill taking; the regularity of it (been taking them daily), their dependability (very effective according to research), whether or not we have a back-up (yes, it's in my purse). I assured him of all of the above.
You always hear people saying "I did xyz because it just felt right." I usually translate that to be bullshit but now I feel it too. I felt that this was the right time and that Dave was the right person. There was no debating it, no inner conflict, but a calm excitement.
Trust your instincts.
There were few words spoken at this point with the exception of the following vocabulary terms:
"Bitch""Let""Me""Get""That""Thing""From""My" and "Purse." Wait, this is partially true. I didn't call him "Bitch."
Then...It began and it wasn't at all what I expected and I mean that in a good way.
There was not as much pain involved as I'd been led to prepare for for too many years.
Kevin had been wrong, it wasn't horribly painful (though not extremely pleasant either). My mother had been wrong, I didn't go to hell. Dave and I were safe and respectful and most importantly, we were smart about things which made it less stressful than it had the potential to be.
It was right.
