I've been trying to find the words all day to write this entry out. Here we are again.It's April now. Today is a fucking busy-ass day.
Woke up and typed out four papers. Left for class and read something on Sylvia Plath. Bought a Jack Keroac book from the school bookstore. Class again from 4-5:20pm, short dinner in my room before I left for work at 6pm. Got out at 9pm and then began a volatile conversation with Tony about how I'm supposedly bragging about having sex. Maybe I am showing off a little. But I'm proud of ME for making the right choice for myself. And, I'm still here. Same person I was four days ago.
Yesterday when I got back on campus, my neighbor April's boyfriend Jose came over to hang out with her. He and I have been talking about Dave and the protocol since we started dating two months ago. Jose came in and was like "You have such a glow...you got laid!" right in the middle of the hallway, in front of his girlfriend and my roommate. They both disregarded what he said and so, I didn't confirm Jose's suspicion until they left. I simply nodded my head at him and whispered yes. Kevin came back up into the hallway and we were talking for a bit. He said he noticed something different about me and couldn't quite grasp what it was. He figured it out.
Twice I've been told that I'm "a woman now." But what does that mean? I think that's bullshit, can I just say that? This fact that I've now had sex does not imply womanhood. Christ, 14 year olds go out and have sex every week, that doesn't make them women. "Hell, the tubby, coat-wearing mother fucker's got tits - don't make him a woman," ~ so sayeth Chris Rock.
You don't know how much I'm playing this down in my head. Yet, I had this permagrin on my face all day yesterday when anyone asked me how my Spring Break went. And, I still do that. It puts a smile on my face. I'll remember this for a while. Saratoga Springs will have a special place in my heart and head for quite a bit of time.
I have this photograph of Dave in the hotel that I can't stop looking at. Digital cameras. They come in so handy.
