So yesterday I threatened not to write in here for a while. Right...I think we know that's far from happening.I was upset yesterday because the loss of that job was the final straw, the one sign I needed to know that things with Dave would be at a stand-still for a while until I return to college this fall. It occurred to me that I refuse to drive up to Albany all the time to see someone who does not love me. He and I have seen each other twice since we got together in Saratoga over Easter Weekend. I'll drive up to Albany to see Dave once or twice a month when our schedules coincide. In the meantime, I'm going to try for a job at the Bath and Body Works at my local mall.
Also, you can never go home. Going home to this house over the summer implies that all the freedom I have accumulated here is relinquished to my parents and I hate that. It will be as though this past year has never occurred, I'll have a midnight curfew and will never be able to use the phone at night because Jeremy will be using it to call Claire down in Staten Island. They'll be on the phone until forever and I will not.
Hence my repetition of the phrase: Evil, Evil Bastard.
But, I'll drive down to Yonkers to see Cathy and go to the beach with her. My dad told me he wanted to drive me and I wanted to scream. I appreciate the good intentions and all but being 19, I think I can drive myself down there. Hell, I made it to Rochester at 17, didn't I? Dad had never been there.
Lastly, I hate who I am when I live at home. I hate that I revert to this child with few freedoms having to explain her every action to everybody she lives with, who she's on the phone with, who she's going out with, where she's going and what she's going to do.
Why couldn't they just tell me I had the job?
