Guys. It's time we have an important talk. I haven't told you the reason why Nick and I really broke up. I've been getting a lot of emails lately about why I am so pro-choice and asking me why I care so much that my friend Jana goes on the pill.
Thing is, I don't want her to be where I was two months ago.
What I never told you guys is that the condom broke while Nick and I were having sex in the middle of January. Remember that five day weekend he and I spent together? Well, that's when it happened. We didn't think anything of it because I had worn my diaphragm, we had used spermicide but the condom broke before he finished.
Then I was late for my period three weeks later. I had a little water weight but I was terrified. I told Nick that I was late and that I had bought a pregnancy test to take with him. I took it and we went upstairs in his apartment to wait for the results. One line appeared...and soon the other one matched it. We freaked. I had never been so scared in my life.
Because of my body's intolerance of the pill, I knew what my choice had to be: a surgical abortion. Nick had gotten fired, I had no job. We were scrambling for money. This is why I couldn't go to frucon. A week later, Nick and I drove to the nearest planned parenthood center and an appointment was set up at Albany Med. They went over the steps of the procedure with me, Nick and I had counseling, both signed a consent form and I had a physical exam. I could not look at the screen when the time came to see what our fetus looked like.
Everything checked out and Nick and I were in the clear. It happened a few days later. It was scary. I asked to be sedated but they said I could not be. Nick held my hand and I just stared up at the ceiling, wondering what was going to happen to me next.
We broke up soon afterwards...our love was NOT strong enough.
I'm so sorry I never told any of you especially those readers to whom I am very close. It was hard. I've wanted to dedicate several entries to lead up to this. I apologize to many of you, to those who read my diary for the gossip and to those who actually care about my well being and those who have grown closer to me or only keep up to date with me through this venue. This has been an incredibly sad way to begin the year and holding the truth inside has been harder than I ever imagined. My parents don't even know. I am still coming to terms with the fact that...well, the fact that I never told anyone the truth before writing this entry today.
And the truth is that this entry is my April Fool's Joke.
