Its been an interesting past week. AJ came over from Michigan and we had 5 days of paper writing, drinking, emoting, melting down and then building up again. Good that we built up into something better than originally developed :)
I finally feel as though I'm out of this funk I've been in these last few weeks. I was low enough to think that I should switch my meds. Now I'm feeling less angsty. Thank you AJ :) Nobody has ever done what you've done for me.
Today, however, finds me getting an oil change, new batteries in my remote door locker/unlocker and an estimate on the price it'll be to replace my muffler/exhaust. Then I come back here, get myself some lunch, head to class at 1, go to work at 5 and then hang out with Lydia tonight.
M is bringing up these new issues for me. He's back on campus. Turns out, irony of all ironies, someone got into his account by using his password and then went on AIM to fuck with anyone who IMmed "him." So I had to tell him that I understood exactly what he was going through because I have done this in the past. However, I was quick to mention how I'd learned my lesson so he would not start thinking I had done it.
I was close to forgetting about this one until yesterday when he IMmed me. I thought he'd gone back home and that we were finished with whatever it is we're doing with each other. I thought he'd turned into this typical guy who, as Alec aptly put it years ago "would fuck me and forget me." Alec has since changed his mind but that's not the point anymore :) It's that I thought M was gone. There would be no more boytoying with him. Now he's back, he's flirting and I'm flirting right back at him. It's a nice feeling knowing full well that I don't have to sleep with him again unless I want to. In the meantime, we can do other stuff. Not relationship stuff but sexual stuff with each other. My main fear is pregnancy.
And here's the deal with that. I also previously believed that I would get an abortion only if I'd been raped. Then the things with the depression kicked in and my antidepressants and migraine medication have helped immensely. But, knowing that the ingredients in the pill are the same as in the morning after pill/RU-486 and thinking that I'd be fucked if I had to take either of them. Next thing I know, M comes into my life and I edit my views on whether or not I would get an abortion if something happened.
I've since changed my mind. I have decided that if I should get pregnant before I was financially independent and or living on my own and or in a relationship with a suitable father, I would get an abortion. I find it interesting how my views on things have changed.
