Okay,I feel racist and I need your opinions.
I was asked out a week ago by a black man who works on campus and I can't get the race factor out of my mind.
It was shortly after this question that I was "struck" with the realization that I need a voluntary time out from dating.
A voluntary time out from looking for a boyfriend/fuckbuddy.
And I don't know if I'm just afraid to go out with him because he's black or because I'm afraid of getting hurt.
I can't even tell if I'm attracted to this guy because I can't get past the race card. But he asked me out and I said three weeks or so so I could get my shit together.
In the meanwhile, I'm avoiding him because I don't want to discuss going out with him at all.
So, am I racist or just prejudiced against black people?
Or is it that it's okay for me to fuck people of other races but not okay for me to date them on a deeper level? I don't really think so because if a person of latin descent were to ask me out, I'd say yes. Plus, hello! Tony. Remember him? Plus, Dave had some sort of spanish heritage.
So I don't fucking get it. Why can't I get past this?
Do I just want to date him to prove to myself that I'm not racist? In which case, I should date him to find out. Thing is, I've only gone out on 2 dates which didn't result relationships.
It might just be that I'm afraid of feeling obligated to do more with this date. Plus, I'm afraid of the social aspect of it meaning, how we would look on dates or should we start a real relationship there's the simple fact that I'm not going to be able to separate my relationship from my family because my parents and my brother are hellbent against it. Yet, they tell me that it's my choice.
Yeah, but then why can't I make it myself?
If he looked like Nelly, P.Diddy, Pharrell, JayZ even, I probably wouldn't think twice. But what if none of those men were famous and they just randomly asked me out?
Nah, I'd still probably say yes.
