Our annual dessert concert is tomorrow night and I'm finally well enough to go. Last year I was too sick for it but now, it's my last show.It's my last show and in the past five years since I've been in this band, I haven't once felt truly appreciated for my talents. I am an amazing tenor saxophone player and I know it. Moreso, I want to have all the solos that keep passing me by and end up going to the alto saxophone player I've known since I was seven. I'm better than Eric is, I'm not so cocky, I know what my limits on that instrument are. I've been in this band for a full year longer than he, yet my solos have been strictly confined to the jazz band.
As much as I love improv, I want more to have something concrete in front of me. I want to know exactly what it is that I'm supposed to play. I hate making things up as I go along when it comes to playing this saxophone. I just know that I would do amazingly on a concert band solo, no matter what my director may believe.
I believe that I intimidate him. He's a 40 year old man who seems to be a bit afraid of me because I know exactly what I want and am not afraid to attack at the jugular to get it.
Our last lesson went something like this.
Me (to him): Maybe you don't realize it, but after this coming June, I won't be here anymore. You might not have someone like me for a long time, a tenor sax player who wants to do a solo and isn't too proud to beg you for one. I don't know how Julie's going to fare being dropped into my spot as first and only tenor in honors band. I can't tell you whether or not she's going to continue to play as timidly as she does right now. Wouldn't you rather take full advantage of my talents in the eight months I have left in this band?
He changed the subject.
I feel incredibly unappreciated and disrespected to the max. I've done so much. Maybe he just thinks that my appointment to the Vice Presidency of the band would've satisfied me but when it comes to respect, I'm insatiable and demand it from those I have and have not met.
